Ideas For Dealing With A Selfish Husband
If you find yourself stuck with a selfish husband, how you deal with it depends upon the degree of selfishness you face. If it is an on and off situation and more of an irritant than anything else, there is a good possibility of improving the situation. If your partner is totally selfish, and to make matters worse, a controlling person, then you really have your work cut out for you, and you might just not be able to improve the situation without outside assistance.
There isn't any cook book remedy for dealing with a selfish husband, if only due to the fact that different people have different personalities. But there are things you can try, a few of which are presented here. Start with approaches that don't take you too far from your own comfort zone. No sense in messing up your own life or making yourself miserable trying to change some one else.
There is usually a reason for someone acting selfishly, and people usually don't become selfish only after they're married. It usually comes with the package. They've been that way before. Your husband may have been raised in a manner where he got everything he wanted, or demanded. He became selfish because he was spoiled. If you saw that in him and married him anyway, hoping to change him, or his habits might go away, shame on you. On the other hand, he may have disguised his habits, or you were simply so much in love that he didn't need to disguise them. The fact is, changing him isn't going to be easy. Possible perhaps, but not easy. Recognize that as a first step.
Improve yourself! - Now it's beginning to sound like you're the one at fault. After all it's the husband that seems to be in need of a dose of improvement. What is meant by improving yourself is, by working to do just that you'll find yourself in a stronger position to deal with the problem. Work to constantly improve your social life, education, housework and child rearing duties, in fact everything you do that you can call your own. You are not improving yourself to change your husband by showing him how hard you are trying to please him. You are improving yourself to boost your own self esteem and place yourself in a better position to deal with his performance. You may just have to show him that you can do fine without him if it comes to that!
Seek Common Ground - Unless you’re married to a totally selfish husband, one that is so preoccupied with himself that you might as well not exist, you can always be on the lookout for common interests, things you enjoy doing together. You may find yourself having to a little compromising here, finding some things that he will take an interest in that may not be all that exciting to you, but you can at least tolerate. But if it works, and he starts doing a little compromising as well, you might be on the way to winning a few battles, and maybe even the war. If there are some things you enjoyed together before getting married and have gotten away from them, try doing them again.
Don't Complain, Too Much - Your husband does need to know that certain things he does or certain ways he acts make you unhappy, worried, or uncomfortable. If he has to have his toys fine, but if his toys are taking up all of his time, not to mention the lion's share of the household budget, that's not fine, and he needs to know you feel that way. You can complain about one of his selfish actions just don't beat him over the head with it. It's OK to tell him that what he's done is selfish. Just don't tell him he is selfish. You'll just get into an argument that nobody wins. If he's only a little selfish, constant complaining could make it worse. He'd rather play with his toys than listen to a complaining wife, who wouldn't? If he's totally in his own world though, whatever you say will probably go in one ear and out the other. But, you do owe it to yourself, and to your husband, to at least try to let him know how you feel about things.
These are just a few ideas you might consider. None are guaranteed of course, but they are offered in the spirit that one or more of them may help your situation, and not make matters worse. The truth is, if your selfish husband is totally absorbed in his own affairs, you might be better off seeking professional help. and let hubby know that such help is something you really believe is needed, you're not being selfish but let him know he'd better damn well join the party!